I was a strange and twisted one as wee lad. I was a ball of destruction I often liked to smash any and everything I felt like smashing. My niece is similar in that sense, but we wont get into that right now. I think it wasn’t so much the act of destroying that thrilled me, but the aftermath. I loved the sight of smashed toys and broken power tools and smashed bugs and smashed thumbs, I just liked to smash. I saw a deep and twisted beauty in being able to take boring, intact, useful and ordinary, picking it up, lifting it over my head and slamming it to the ground with such great force that the gorgeous inner springs, screws, plastic shards, wires and other gutty works could explode into a beautiful mass of debris, littering my surrounding area. I had a great time doing this with transformers and cabbage patch kids, and caught many a serious whooping at the hands of the irate older siblings because of my obsession with the way these things looked after I was through with them. I thought they looked more interesting this way. They, however, disagreed.
And then when I found out that I could break parts of myself and they would just grow back or fix themselves, forget about it. A twisted memory from my kindergarten year comes to me on that note, or was it first grade. Oh well, the year isn’t important, but it had to be one of the two.
I remember biting into an apple and seeing blood. What the eff? I thought. Then I pushed my tongue around to see what was going on in there and noticed I had a loose tooth. A big one. In the front too. My first loose tooth, I was psyched.
I was finally, at long last in a position to meet this tooth fairy I’d been hearing about. The enigmatic creature. Who breaks and enters your home to give you money? And for a tooth no less. Wait a minute... What if the teeth were really valuable? Like way more then a quarter or dollar or however much she left. I even contemplated keeping the tooth for a moment. What was she planning to do with all these rotten teeth? I had every intention of smashing her too. And then robbing her of her riches.
It was kindergarten. Mrs. Stoltz woke me from my reverie. I wanted to play ninja turtles with Jason, but it was time to play legos with Brian and Kevin. I loved playing legos. They were easy to put back together after smashing. I wiggled and pushed at the loose tooth with the tip of my tongue. It stopped bleeding and was still in there pretty tight.
I started to think about the Domino Rally game I saw advertised on a TV commercial when I was eating my breakfast that morning. I wanted it sooo bad. I wondered how much it could cost. I wondered if a tooth would cover the expense. Need money. Must have Domino Rally.
I stood up from the battleship I was building, stomped on it, smashed it, watching in awe as the different colored blocks and little men flew and scattered all over my play corner. I trotted for the water fountain.
I had to be quick and discreet about this. So far, nobody was the wiser. I took a long look at the water fountain; my hand trembled slightly as it squeezed the knobby handle thing. I looked my self dead in the eyes in the reflection of the spout. I daydreamed of staring at a cobra for a minute, because the shape of the spout reminded me of one, but quickly I returned to the matter at hand.
One last, quick glance to see if anyone was looking and I swooped in headlong for the fountain. My aim was dead set on and I showed no signs of slowing. Then WHAM! The tooth smashed out with ease. It swirled in the crimson, liquid mix and settled into the bottom of the drain. Mission Complete. It barely hurt at all, easy breezy.
I was great with the theatrics so, WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! Please help. I hurt myself. Ouch, my tooth, my face. I'm bleeding. The teacher came to my rescue. I explained that I went in for a drink and accidentally hit my face, now my tooth is gone and I'm Bleeding and it hurts so bad. There, there, its okay it happens to all little boys and girls...blahblahblah.
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