the right note

This is the first bit of writing I’ve been able to sit and create and enjoy for my own pleasure in many days. My brain is utterly exhausted and I’ve become a hermit with square pupils from sitting in my basement staring at the stupid computer screen day in day out working on a stupid application full of stupid essays so that I can get into a stupid school and chase my stupid dream of becoming better at my stupid writing.

 Sometimes you can never find that right note to complete a stupid song. Sometimes you simply cannot for some stupid reason find the stupid word or words to convey the idea or emotion you’re trying to express. Sometimes you just can’t find the right word.

 Sometimes some stupid shit transpires and you just freeze up and don’t react. Sometimes you choose not to react. Sometimes without thinking you just react. Sometimes you overreact. Sometimes you tremendously overreact. Shit, sometimes you just plain act, which is the worst one of all.

 Try as I might and fail as I may I will not ever stop. I wont be stupid about this, I will never let my guard down again. I won’t slow my pace either. I will not rest easy until I arrive. I will not cease my journeys until I arrive. And I will work vigorously until I finally I arrive. I will plod steadfast and determined through the proverbial mud. And, believe you me, I will arrive dressed in the finest mud covered attire.

 Continue you, the sojourn. Trudge sir, trudge. If they say you cannot, say you can go sit on your thumb to the bum. Headstrong determination, and the will to will it upon myself is necessary.  Of course there will be bumps, in the road, potholes and other assorted hazards scattered about my path but I will conquer them. Not all of them. At times I will fall face first and eat shit. But, that my friends is how we learn our best lessons, with a mouthful of shite. Further tribulations and further failures and humiliations surely lie ahead, as many as I must endure so long as I one day arrive.

 I know where I’m headed. I think I know where the final destination lies, but it certainly is not in sight, not yet anyway. I continue to journey this extraordinary voyage and maybe I wont ever get “there.” But I wont stop trying.

 I want to know what it feels like to find that right note. And when I find it, I’ll sing or strum the shit out of it and hold that blessed note. Believe me I will hold that note until every last bit of breath is exhaled and I’m out of breath and I collapse. I will lay there, at the exact spot where the right note was found, exhausted, on the ground, and I will simply listen to the pristine perfect “right” note as it rings through and echoes off into the deepest crevices of “our” earth. When the last tiny remnants of the sound have echoed off and disappeared into the furthest expanses and the mighty, gorgeous note is no longer audible I can stand. I can stand rested, rejuvenated and refined as a new man with a new kick on life. Satisfied and fulfilled I can brush myself off. Remove the soot filth and dirt from the long haul. Then, I can smile and proudly tell the next oblivious idiot that I stumble across and tell him/her that I just returned from an incredibly inhuman journey through both space time and the human mind and found the elusive right note. Then I smile. A real smile. A rare smile. One you probably never have seen. Then I can go off searching for the right word…